I don’t know it all.
Ouch, that hurts a little confessing.
When it comes to motherhood, it took me a full year of thinking I knew everything before I humbled myself. I’m 8 years in with three kids and I still sometimes wonder if I’m suited for this job. After that first year and baby number two came along, I realized what gold looks like. Gold to me is the advice experienced mothers give to me whether they realize they are handing it out or not. I hang onto the words of mothers of teenagers. I investigate mothers with 4 or more children like Columbo, because if they can do it, I can do three and I have oftentimes found really, sound advice from television or movie character moms, as strange as that sounds.
I’m not even talking about Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman, or even Annie Camden on 7th Heaven. I mean, those are the mothers from whom you’d expect to get solid advice on parenting, right?
Nope, I’m talking about Mother Parker on A Christmas Story.
This movie is a classic. I remember watching it over and over as a child and reading the short stories of Jean Shepherd in High School. But it wasn’t until I became a mother that I saw the film a little differently. I wasn’t looking at the alley fight Ralphie got into with the bully, or the tongue stuck to the pole at recess or even the “you’ll shoot your eye out” theme.
I saw the Mom.
Over the past few years of watching this film with my kids, I’ve decided there are 5 things I absolutely love about the way this woman works in her home. Yes, this story is set in the 1940’s when women’s roles were a little different than they are now, but I’m one of those crazies who thinks we should hang onto a few of the more Old Fashioned traditions of their time.
So, here they are, my top 5 things I’ve learned from The Mom on A Christmas Story:
5. Chinese Duck on Christmas is perfectly fine.
Ok, so you’ve slaved all day in the kitchen on a perfect Christmas Turkey. You’ve managed to keep your spouse’s hands off it during the baking process and it’s finally the time in the evening when you can clean yourself up to present a fabulous dinner to your family. Then, the Bumpeses’ Dogs come barreling through your kitchen and not only devour your turkey, but destroy your furniture and knock the back door off of the hinges. She had some tears over it, but she let it go quickly. They were the only ones sitting in a Chinese restaurant for dinner that night, but as a duck with the head attached was served, she laughed. She made the most of it with her family. I admire this.
Life with children is chaotic. Being married can be chaotic, but throughout the film, she has an amazing time letting stuff go, and quickly moving on when things don’t work out as she’d thought they would. I can really appreciate this.
4. Soap will not kill them.
I’m going to admit, I’ve had my son eat soap. I can’t entirely say that it comes from this particular movie, but in my opinion, she’s not completely out of line when she makes Ralphie hold onto a bar of soap in his mouth after letting the F-bomb fly. Remember, this was a different time period and she followed through on the consequence of such behavior. Following through is oftentimes tough, but parenting is harder if we don’t, so kudos to you Mother Parker for making Ralphie eat that soap and for following through. What’s really awesome, is that once he is sent to his bed, she held the soap in her own mouth to see what it’s like. I love her.
3. Eating like a piggy could create some intimate bonding.
This has to be my absolute favorite part in the movie. She asks her little Randy to show her how piggies eat and then lets him make a complete mess on his face and plate, eating his dinner with no hands. They sat together at the kitchen table laughing. I love this. If you watch her in this scene, she’s in so much love with her child and his amusement of getting to do something so incredibly fun. Sometimes, I stick too tight to my guns. I’m afraid if the rules get broken, there’s no turning back. In this moment, she reminded me that life is short and sometimes it’s ok to just sit back and let them do something completely crazy. The bonding between parents and has opportunity to grow in situations like these.
2. It’s okay to protect the kids.
When Ralphie is pushed too far for the last time by neighborhood bully, he lets loose. The anger he’s been holding onto comes out onto Scut Farcus’s face. This was a hard scene for my kids to watch, but it led to a great parenting opportunity for me to talk to them about bullying and retaliation. In this scene, the Mom comes in and breaks things up and she pulls Ralphie off the boy and looks at his face, she sees his sadness. She not only picks him up and walks him gently home, she calms him down, washes his face and instructs him to lie down and cool off. She never scolded him, not once. Both Raphie and Randy are in fear of the dad’s wrath when he finds out. When the dad asked what happened that day, mom did not lie. She stated Ralphie got in a fight and left it at a ‘boys will be boys’ kind of thing. She knew her son didn’t need to go over that anguish again, and in one moment, made it clear to him how much he could trust her, without lying or withholding information. Sometimes, I think this is a perfect way to handle it.
1. Let your husband have his lamp.
The lamp. We’re so familiar with this lamp, and what a great part of this story it is! But, again, Mother Parker handles this with such grace. If my husband brought home something that awful, I’d throw a tantrum until it was outside in his garage…or the trash. ‘Not in our home’, I’m sure I would say. However, this is not how she handled it. It’s clear by the expression on her face that she thought it was as hideous as we all do, and that it was embarrassing and surely the boys (and neighborhood) didn’t need to be looking at it, but she didn’t say much about it. She knew her husband was excited and proud over winning a prize, so she let it go. It was a different time, yes, but she stayed quiet on the topic. In the end, the lamp was destroyed. Now, it’s a mystery as to how exactly it happened, but we all suspect the mom took the lamp out. I often find myself negating anything my husband likes that I don’t think belongs in our house. I shoot down his ideas sometimes because they’re different than mine…very different, but I won’t go there. I can learn a thing or two by watching her remain quiet on something that meant so much to her partner, even if the silence is not permanent.
This post was written by Jessica Cribbs of Expressing Motherhood.
Photo via.
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